How to Charm a Lady (with Pictures) - wikiHow (2024)

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Co-authored byCher Gopman

Last Updated: September 23, 2023Approved

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   Don’t try so hard. If you want to charm a lady, then you have to make your charm look effortless. If you’re bending over backwards to impress her, doing flips or walking on your hands, or trying out every joke in your arsenal, she’ll be on to your tricks. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and get ready to work your magic. Speak slowly enough for her to hear you, don’t look like you’re clinging onto every single syllable she says, and don’t comment on the fact that your joke has fallen flat if it does. Just be yourself and the rest will follow.^[1]

   • Remember that if you really want to charm and succeed with a lady, then you have to show her that you’re comfortable with being who you are. If you’re grinning from ear to ear while sweating and fidgeting, she won’t be charmed.
   • Keep your body language calm and relaxed. Keep your hands at your sides or use them to gesture, keep your posture straight, and look at the lady instead of at the floor.^[2]
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   Laugh at yourself. Women love people who have a good sense of humor and who are also able to laugh at themselves. If you want to charm the lady, then you have to show that you don’t take yourself too seriously, and that you’re comfortable enough with who you are to poke fun at yourself. If you know you’re wearing a ridiculous pink shirt, that you have a cute gap in the front of your teeth, or that you’re known to be clumsy, don’t try to hide these adorable qualities from the girl; instead, show that you’re comfortable with who you are, flaws and all.

   • This doesn’t mean that you should be so self-deprecating that you look like you lack confidence. Just a light joke at your own expense or the ability to laugh at yourself if the lady makes the joke will do just fine.^[3]
   • Remember that a lady doesn’t want to hear really crass humor. The joke at your own expense can be completely PG.

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   Be a goofball. This is another way to charm a lady. You don’t have to be completely serious all the time. Talk about your embarrassing nickname for your puppy; show off your ability to juggle. Pull a quarter out of her ear (okay, so maybe not). Don’t be afraid to be a little bit silly, and the lady will be charmed by your childlike approach to the world.^[4] This does not mean that you have to look immature to be a little bit goofy.

   • If you’re at a place where a silly song like “The Macarena” comes on, don’t be afraid to show off your moves.
   • If you’re too obsessed with looking cool, she won’t want to open up to you. You don’t have to put it all out there, but if you put up too many walls, she won’t feel like she’s getting to know you.
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   Pay attention to your appearance. A true lady pays attention to her looks, so you should do the same. You don’t have to look like George Clooney, but you should make sure your clothes are appropriate for the occasion, free of wrinkles, smelling fresh, and generally flattering. If you think stubble makes you look more mysterious, then fine, but in general, make sure that your face and hair are well groomed and that you shower before you head out for a night of meeting ladies.^[5]

   • You don’t have to obsess over your looks to win a woman over with the care you put into your appearance.
   • You can wear a little bit of cologne, but not so much that you overwhelm the woman.
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   Smile. Don’t underestimate the effect that a big, charming smile can have on a woman. While you don’t have to be grinning from ear to ear, you should smile at the woman when you first meet, and whenever it’s appropriate to smile when you’re talking. As long as it doesn’t make you look nervous, she’ll appreciate that you’re comfortable enough to smile when it feels good, and not feeling too cool to show her a little positive energy.^[6]

   • Don’t just smile at the lady. If she sees you smiling at others, she’ll see what a welcoming, positive person you are.
   • Smiling and making eye contact are great ways to flirt without touching your date.^[7]
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   Charm the people around you. If you want to charm a lady, then you can’t just put all of your attention on her and ignore the people around you. She should see that you are the kind of person that can charm almost anyone in his orbit, and that is truly impressive. You should charm elderly people, young folks, bored children, or even the shyest person at the party. Find something that any person can talk about and make that person feel special, carefree, and comfortable opening up to you.

   • Though you shouldn’t ignore the lady to do this, if she can see you working your magic on anyone in the room, she’ll be even more charmed by you.
   • Make sure that you’re not seen charming too many other people, though. The lady should still feel special at all times even if you’re engaging with other people.
   • Another way to charm the people around you is to introduce them to each other in a seamless way. Say something like, “Mary, have you met Joe? He just got a new pit bull and you must have some advice for how to make it behave…”
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   Speak a foreign language. Do you know a bit of French? Un poco Español? If you know a little bit of a foreign language, show it off without being too annoying. Don’t start throwing every foreign language you know at the woman, but if she finds out that you spend some time in France, or that your father is from Madrid, then bust out a sentence or two and watch her swoon. Sure, this is a cheap trick, but if you use it at the right time, the lady will be completely charmed by you.

   • Only try this one if you really feel confident about your skills. Don’t blunder through a phrase or two if you really don’t know much more Spanish than how to pronounce tequila.
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   Be sexy, yet unattainable. You do not need to be Hugh Grant or even Brad Pitt to be sexy. Sexy is confidence and an aura you send. It comes with self-love (not narcissism, however). Being sexy is simply being out of reach and comfortable in your body. A nice smile is always good, as is having a nice scent. Humans respond to the 5 senses - important senses for you will be scent and touch.^[8]

   • If you want to look unattainable, then don't be too needy. The lady should see that you like her company, but that you won't be heartbroken without her.

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1. 1

   Ask her questions about herself. If you really want to charm the lady, then you have to make her feel special. Take the spotlight off yourself and focus it on her, showing that you care about who she is and what she has to say. You don’t have to make her feel like she’s the subject of a detective show. Just ask her some softball questions about where she grew up, what her friends or siblings are like, or what she likes to do for fun.

   • If she tells you she has a pet, ask to see some pictures.
   • Avoid asking anything too personal, like questions about her past relationships. Instead, ask appropriate questions that you can tell she's comfortable with.^[9]
   • Just get her talking. If you sense that she’s been talking about herself too much and feels uncomfortable, find a way to relate to what she’s saying.
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   Give her a genuine compliment. The key is sincerity. Don’t say something vapid like, “I like your hair,” unless she has truly unique hair that has incredible curls or a color you’ve never seen before. Instead, dig deeper and tell her something she’s never heard before, or something that truly makes her feel like you’re paying attention to her, not just trying to flatter her so she likes you even more.^[10]

   • If she has incredible eyes or a wonderful laugh, tell her that.
   • Dig deeper. Compliment aspects of her personality, such as her sense of humor or her observational skills, if you can.
   • If she’s wearing an amazing necklace or pair of earrings, compliment them and maybe you’ll get the story of where she got them.
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   Ask for her opinion. Show the lady that you care about what she thinks, not just about who she is. She’ll see that you respect her as an intelligent being with valid opinions. Ask her what she thinks about your outfit, your favorite band, or your favorite TV show. You don’t have to ask about the touchy subjects such as politics or religion until you know each other better. Keep it light but show her you care.

   • You can even start small and ask her what she thinks about the wine you’re drinking if you’re at a party. If a song comes on, ask what she thinks about the band.
   • When she gives you an answer, don’t just move on, but take the time to seriously consider what she thinks.
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   Be a good listener. One thing that turns ladies off instantly is when a person talks to her and nods vigorously, but shows that he’s not really listening at all.^[11] If you want to show her that you’re listening, you have to do more than nod and say “Yeah,” at the right times. You have to follow up to what she says by asking more questions, or even refer back to something she said earlier in the conversation for brownie points.^[12]

   • For example, if she says she loves the 49ers, you can say, “Is that because you grew up in California? If I had lived there when I was a kid, I would probably be a die-hard fan too!”
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   Don’t flirt with everyone around you. There’s a difference between charming other people and flirting with every girl in your line of sight. If you want to charm the lady, then you have to make her see that she’s the only girl you truly have eyes for. You can be charming to other girls, but make it clear that she’s the one you’re really paying attention to. If you’re equally flirtatious and charming around every girl you see, then she’ll start to feel like you don’t think she’s special at all.^[13]

   • Make sure you always keep your eye on her, even if you’re talking to someone else.
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   Give her a small gift. Obviously you can’t give the girl a gift right then and there—unless you’re skilled in origami and can make her a beautiful flower out of a napkin. But if you’re going to see her again, you can charm her with a small gift, such as her favorite candy bar, a small bouquet of hand-picked flowers, or even a copy of a book or CD you were telling her about. There’s no need to go overboard, or she’ll feel like you’re coming on too strong, but giving the right small and thoughtful gift will charm her even more.

   • Giving her something with a personal touch will make her feel even more special, and truly charmed by you.
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   Dance with her. Ladies love men who know how to dance. If you’ve taken a class in ballroom dancing, foxtrot, salsa, or really any kind of dance at all, it’s time to show off your moves and to get out on the dance floor—if there is one in your vicinity, that is. But even if you’re not a dance master, going out on the dance floor and dancing like a complete goofball is better than acting like you’re too cool or too afraid to dance.^[14]

   • If you’re really afraid, take some dance lessons. This will not only improve your charm level, but it’s a great way to meet even more ladies.
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   Use her name. This is a great way to charm a lady. You shouldn’t use her name every five seconds or you’ll start to sound like a used car salesman, but you should try to use it a few times throughout the course of the conversation so that she feels like you really care about her. Try this trick to charm the lady or to charm almost any person in your orbit, really.

   • Just a simple, “You see, Amy…” will help make the girl feel special.
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   Give her a light touch. A lady will be charmed if you know where to touch her to make her feel special without coming on too strong. If you’re really hitting it off, touch her lightly on the elbow, the shoulder, or the knee (if she’s sitting down.)^[15] Only do this once she’s shown some affection towards you or when you know she’s comfortable with you. She’ll be charmed by your delicate and smooth gesture.^[16]

   • Even lightly tapping her hand if she’s telling you a sensitive story will do the trick.
   • Obviously, don’t touch her anywhere inappropriate.
   • Always read her facial expressions and ask consent before touching her or going in for a kiss.^[17]

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